Return to Sender (Letters to Nowhere Part 2) by Cross Julie

Author:Cross, Julie [Cross, Julie]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: young adult, ya, series, Romance, Gymnastics, Olympics, New Adult
Publisher: Long Walk Press
Published: 2013-10-19T13:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER NINE

KAREN

From the rearview mirror of Jackie’s car, I can see Blair’s mom’s minivan pull up. She glances in our direction, but probably doesn’t recognize Jackie’s car, so Blair tumbles out and heads for the front door, where Grandma lets her inside.

“Karen,” Jackie says. “Let’s finish our chat before we go inside.”

I guess she’s working under the assumption that I’ll actually be able to get myself through the front door. This whole being afraid of my house feels so infantile and yet I can’t shake it no matter how hard I try.

“The last thing you need to worry about is what your grandmother or best friend think about your reactions,” she says. “How you feel can’t be deemed as right or wrong and Blair has never been through what you’ve been through. She’s here for you, but she doesn’t know what you’re feeling. I’m not even certain your grandmother understands. Losing a child is different than being a child and losing your parents.”

“What if I have another panic attack?” I turn away from the house and look at Jackie. “We can leave, right? I can try again another time?”

Or I can let Grandma deal with the house. Yeah, that plan is sounding better and better every second. Jackie’s silent, staring straight ahead; finally she answers me. “I need you to trust me on this one. You’ll regret not doing this if you bail.”

“How do you know? It’s just stuff, right? How important can it be compared to all the memories I have?”

She takes a deep breath and looks at me. “I don’t normally talk about myself with patients, but I think it could help you. I know what it’s like to lose a parent suddenly, the way you and Jordan did, and I also know what’s it like to watch one slowly waste away from cancer.”

I gape at her. I don’t know what to say. She seems too perky and well-adjusted to have been through something horrible. Will I get to that point eventually?

“My mom got sick right after I started middle school. Breast cancer. She passed away three years later. My dad—” She takes another breath before continuing, like she’s grappling for her therapist voice. “Took it very hard. He turned to alcohol. That went on for another three years. One night, during the summer before I was starting college, he left the house completely wasted. I should have taken his keys. I should have kept him from driving.”

My hand covers my mouth. I try to think of something to say, but Jackie gives me a sad smile and shakes her head. “My brother and I had a funeral for him, I went to college a couple weeks later and I never went back. You have your anger and I have my guilt. And yes, I know it’s not my fault that he had a drinking problem, but the idea that one tiny change in the past could have kept him alive is so hard to accept and move on from.

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